What is it that drives people to want to fit into society? What is it that actually makes someone feel that they have to fit in in order to be accepted? Why does anyone want to be normal in the first place? I'm asking you in all sincerity because I've never felt it, and I seek to understand it. I know that most people crave it, or are told to by the media, the government, magazines, television, and even their own parents.
I don't understand. I've never told my children or anyone else's that, "No - you can't wear that out in public. What will other people say? No, you can't dye your hair, get a tattoo, or even think that way." Or how about, "We don't use words like that in this house." How can society tell you what to think and what to wear? Why do we look to others to choose who we should hang out with or even be?
Recently I was out with a girlfriend of mine who is overly educated, with a master in English Literature. I've known her since high school. She's always been close to me, because of her extreme views on feminism, homosexuality, and class ism. We've always been outcasts together. You'd never know it to look at her. She dresses quite normal, and not at all like in our dark teenage goth years. Anyways... we were discussing bullying in schools. I brought up a few examples of my own children being harassed for what they wear, what they believe and even what hand they use to write with. Barbaric - that's what I don't understand about bullying. Why, with all of our education, and awareness does it still exist?
Mostly I've had a positive outlook on the future. This isn't the 70's anymore. You can be gay and open about it. You can be a girl and be a soldier. You can be left handed and dyslexic and still be brilliant. You can be born into a single parent family and still be accepted as a hard working talented human being, and not be outcast as a nuisance and a burden. Or can you?
My friend suggested that the answer is still no. Even with all of the education in the world, even with awareness days, and laws put into place you will never fit. An outcast is someone who goes against the norm. It will never truly be accepted. Labelling and gay bashing is and still will always be. There is no difference, in grade schools and even up through puberty, if you are different, you are still considered wrong. If you are weak you will be told so.
It's depressing how history repeats itself instead of moving forward. I agree with her though. Even if you educate a tyrant, and tell them how it is wrong to belittle someone else because of their race, religion or sexuality, they still will find some joy in seeing others squirm while they do it. So now I'm thinking the only way to make a difference in our schools is not only to educate the sheep, and the followers, but to dissect the social structure and point out the tyranny and find out what to do with them before they corrupt anyone else. Before they graduate and become our leaders.
It's not likely to happen because people who lead are usually the loudest. The best speakers. And they have a way of sugar coating their own narcissism.
I guess that's why I wanted a place to vent. Because I'm angry about it, and yet can't seem to do anything but write about it. I'm actually asking myself what role it is that I play, and where do I fit if we are dissecting our social structure. What is it that makes me an outcast? I know that I'm not even gay but I'm a tomboy. That's strike one. A big one. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I prefer the company of children or seniors over the adult working class. I can't swallow any type of injustice and will call people on it if I see it. I prefer to wear dark clothing and enjoy loud music. All not good, apparently. Oh - and I'm raising two girls to be independent free thinkers with their own taint on reality, and allow them to dress how they want and love who they want. Swearing and hair dying is acceptable in my house. So? I guess that's why I'm an outcast, but I'm fairly comfortable with it. As much of a hermit as I've become - I'd still like to exist in a world I can tolerant though. That means protecting my children. That means some things have to change. How that's going to happen in a society like this one - I have no idea. Maybe here on the computer - over time I can work it out.
Very well put...
ReplyDeleteWhat Jayna says is completely true. which is where I, her Wonder twin come in.
I have always been the outcast as well. The only difference is I always was and always will be the loudest voice in the crowd. In Jr. High I won the Provincial Public Speaking award by a landslide.
So being able to stand up to many people and scream I'm different is nothing new to me. I refuse the conform and become a member of the Beige-wearing Zombie Legion of low to middle income class, just leased a new Honda Prius Bullshit Hypocrites.
I'm very proud of how my Wonder Twin has raised her kids and think they may just be the first generation who get it.
Change happens, we just need it to start happening our way.
Time for 2 Advil, 2 shots of scotch, a beer and a smoke. That's how I relax.
We do pride ourselves on being loud... that's for sure. It started for me in grade school with a conscience decision to not be lost in the crowd. My thought was, it's better that people see you as crazy then not see you at all.
ReplyDeleteOver the years though it's become a wall of protection from the same people we seek to get away from.
I realize I'm too cool to be bullied. That's not bragging that's fact. Same with my Wonder Twin here.
The problem with this type of wall is, that we have to tear it down in order to be taken seriously. I mean who's going to listen to an artist and a musician that are past their prime?
Here's something the educators, religious fanatics and dictators are afraid of
- Your children DO -.
Ah... so now we have painted a very clear picture of who Zan and I are. We're considered freaks, geeky creative types, a little too into the Halloween scene to be taken seriously.
ReplyDeleteEven saying that is perpetuating the stereotype. You know the one... when you are creative, you lack intelligence. Somehow society paints us in a rather inadequate light. Geeks may be good with their hands but how are they socially?
Maybe if we didn't have all these dam labels someone who was considered a geek could be very social. Maybe we all could.
It's hard to believe that just a year ago, my 11 year old daughter was walking home from school and surrounded by a group of boys chanting to her that she was Emo, and should slit her wrists. One of them even grabbed her by the wrists to show her how to do it.
When she walked in the house shaking and crying, I was so offended by these kids, I packed her back in the car, and we went to see the principal. She said she'd investigate.
The next day she called me into the office and said that these boys were good boys. They were just worried about my daughter because she looked so sad all the time. Maybe I should consider dressing her in colours, like the rest of the girls?
How dare she say this to me? Just because my kid loves dark clothing because she is an artist she is "justifiably bullied?" Do you think the same thing would have been said if it was a racial issue, or a religious one?
Ah... I'm still angry about that one. Bullying still exists. And your adult teachers aren't going to do a thing about it to change it. So it's up to us. How are we going to make things right? How do we stop it? Ask yourself what you can do to stop it.
I know it's a great campaign to say, "It gets better. and There is hope." But what are your thoughts? 90% of lyrics written today that shape our world and change the coarse of our youth are written by people under the age of 30. So never think that your voice will go unheard.